Into Gold

2009-08-16T21:51:00.002-04:00

I might clean up this blog a bit.

2009-07-04T23:58:00.001-04:00

2009-07-04T23:53:00.000-04:00

Family

2009-07-04T23:52:00.000-04:00

Summer

2009-06-25T15:29:00.006-04:00

I might not be working, but I'm sure as hell living.

Life's a bummer when you're a hummer.

2009-06-11T17:35:00.003-04:00

Hi. Sorry for the lack of art here lately.

I am partaking in an expriment involving extreme poverty and life devoid of privacy.

I've taken a few pictures here and there. Gotta get to posting them. Untill then, enjoy this cell phone picture.

The eyes of the world are watching now

2009-05-19T02:10:00.003-04:00

Oh Biko.

Emily Volkar original, ladies and gentleman.

Candid

2009-05-14T12:55:00.002-04:00

Hello. I currently reside in Pittsburgh, however, I am currently at my parents house. I visited my mom because I didn't get to see her on Mother's Day. Because I worked, you know. I work at a coffeehouse/"world lounge".

I love being home.

I wonder if I will ever get over that. I don't think I will. I love being home.

Pittsburgh does not feel like my home. Yet. I'll throw that yet in there because I am trying. I feel as if my time spent there is in this strange half-life, half-care. This is no one's fault except for my own, although I have a sneaking suspision that city life is not for me.

Too many distractions. For me. All distractions to me.

That being said, I've done nothing in the city. Haha! Maybe I will change my mind.

I like slow living, though. I know this. I know this for a fact. I don't think laziness is that bad. I like to savor, that's all. Have you seen me eat? Takes ages. I think it's more satisfying that way.

I prayed last night to everything. I asked to love. The wind blew and blew and blew.

2009-05-04T23:48:00.000-04:00

Bless the day, Toast the night

2009-04-30T21:19:00.002-04:00

Summer 2009.

I've mentioned I'm on a spiritual journey, haven't I?

That prayer is quite lovely if, you know, you replace "your presense" with "presense."

The Quirks of Isolation

2009-04-30T21:10:00.001-04:00

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2009-04-30T20:56:00.000-04:00

SO HELP ME GOD

2009-04-23T16:52:00.003-04:00

I am moving to Pittsburgh but I have nothing ready to do so. Fuck everything I could give two shits.

Oh hey Emmy and Kelly. How's one week sound? I'll be there in about one week.

So help me god I'm going to have blond hair and I'm going to be tan and I'm going to give so many people the finger this summer.

2009-04-18T02:53:00.001-04:00

Everything tells a story.

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2009-04-01T03:00:00.003-04:00

Left to Right: Nick Bowser (Cousin Nick), Peggy McNeil (Aunt Peggy), Eugene Bowser (Uncle Bowser, Godfather), Marget Jerko (Grandma), Donna Bowser (Aunt Donna, Godmother), George Jerko (Grandpa), David McNeil (Dad), David Carr (Cousin Dave), Laura Carr (Aunt Lolly), Thorton McNeil (Grandpa), Bernice McNeil (Grandma), and Heather McNeil

2009-04-01T02:57:00.000-04:00

George and Margret Jerko

Aunt Susie

2009-04-01T02:54:00.000-04:00

The youngest McNeil.

David Thorton

2009-04-01T02:51:00.001-04:00

HaHa!

2009-04-01T02:46:00.001-04:00

Left to Right: Grandma Jerko (Grandma), Nick Bowser (Cousin Nick), Ricky Kennis (Cousin Ricky), Heather McNeil, Bryan McNeil, Donna Bowser (Aunt Donna, Godmother), and Bobbee Kennis (Aunt Bobbee)

Smoker

2009-04-01T02:22:00.000-04:00

Prime 35

2009-04-01T02:20:00.000-04:00

Goodby Blue Sky

2009-04-01T02:13:00.001-04:00

, back soon!

2009-04-01T02:10:00.000-04:00

Had to darken that message a little.

Staying

2009-04-01T02:05:00.001-04:00

Leaving

2009-04-01T01:48:00.003-04:00

Going Home

See you later!

Accuracy

2009-04-01T01:45:00.000-04:00

- McNeil

The Split

2009-03-30T14:16:00.002-04:00

10 that exist.

It's been awhile

2009-03-30T14:14:00.002-04:00

Haha. This looks like a shitty camcorder still. It's a shitty cell phone picture.

I'll find my cord for my camera soon, I swear.

Purple Embers

2009-03-16T14:56:00.004-04:00

The boys and Alex's lady made at Twolick by the rock beach. It is the ideal area for future summer days of mind expansion and nature connection. We cooked biscuits and marshmallows.

Last night in the moment between sleep and awake a deer came to me. A stag, more specifically.
It was the deepest and most unexpected sleep of my life.

Alright

2009-03-09T19:36:00.000-04:00

I am going to make this the most intense year of my life.

Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom

2009-03-09T02:33:00.003-04:00

Heart is breaking.

Winky's first baby

2009-03-09T02:27:00.000-04:00

2009-03-09T02:23:00.001-04:00

Erica and Ricky used to date.

For 2 friends

2009-03-09T02:14:00.003-04:00

Emmy, I thought of you when I took this picture. It's kind of lame, but aren't the colors nice?

Kelly, you said you wanted a close up of that one picture of you. This is it.

"Make a funny face, Kim."

2009-03-09T02:06:00.001-04:00

Kim is one of my favorite persons!

2009-03-06T02:42:00.002-05:00

Tim Levadnuk

If anyone knows who this guy is and how to get in touch with him, I'd greatly appreciate it. I think he's from Johnstown.

We saw him with his friend Tyler Rullo at the Satori Gallery in October, and Tim had the best blues voice I've ever heard in my life, and I'm convinced that I should make music with him. And by make music I mean sing something he wrote with him. Or I could just have a tape or a cd. That would be cool too.

Tape this dick to your forehead and see dees nuts.

!!!

---

2009-03-06T02:26:00.003-05:00

I clearly remember making this in my bedroom and listening to Clapton. I made this right after I saw "Almost Famous." There's some real gems on there!

Here's hoping I was under 15!

Thorton

2009-03-06T02:04:00.004-05:00

1 Both of my grandpas were stationed in the South Pacific

2 IBEW Local No. 5 - First Row 1, 4: Thorton, David.

3 Cabbage

4 Thorton B. McNeil, March 1 1922 - October 20 1993. Pancreatic Cancer

Thorton was intimidating, I'm told. I was young, and I was scared. I communicated in my own little way. I made him a picture of a ballerina using eye shadows. He gave me a purple bear that came with flowers he got in the hospital. I think he was embarassed that he got a teddy bear.
I've read both of my grandpas' death certificates.

2009-03-06T01:18:00.002-05:00

back deck, strawberry patch

In Danville

2009-03-06T01:07:00.001-05:00

Update

2009-03-05T04:01:00.003-05:00

I have many pictures I need to put up. I recently went on a small road trip with Kim and Alex to visit Kendra and to stay in Alex's hometown for a night. I am very glad I went.

I have a series of Kim and I chasing the sunset, which I guess is done all the time but it might be my favorite thing that's happened this year. So far.

Alex was very happy to show us his hometown. He was also very happy to drive us around.

Kendra was the best I've seen her. Pure gold.

It was good to do something different and to share it.

I have been spending time with my old friend Tom. With Tom, the pieces just fall into place. He is a friend that can pick up from anywhere and there will be no... no bitterness. I like that in a person.

I need to be outside for long periods of time. I'm currently at the Lanzendorfer household, and I can't sleep so I keep watching "Into the Wild" because... well that's where I'd like to be. Hopefully tomorrow we can go outside a bunch. Kelly needs to do something at 3. I hope we wake up early.

I feel like crying.

2009-03-04T14:59:00.003-05:00

Ben, I wish we were rich enough to make that branch with all the seed pods into a real brass work of art.

I wish I could make a gold mobile.
I wish I could make a color pyramid of gold, silver, and copper. What would be on the other side? Aren't there 4 sides to a pyramid?

2009-03-04T14:28:00.001-05:00

this too.

2009-03-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going to do something with this.

2009-02-25T19:20:00.001-05:00

God, that walleye sauce recipe was awful!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

2009-02-24T01:16:00.001-05:00

Jesus christ, Emmy!

Today

2009-02-24T00:22:00.004-05:00

1. Nutella 2. On Bread
3. Empty Pan 4. On Pan
5. Flip 6. Other side
7. Sandwich 8. Empty Cup
9. Half Full 10. Snacktime

Tracklist:
1. Any Colour you Like - Pink Floyd
2. What it's Like - Arthur Russell
3. The Seeker - The Who
4. Annie Waits - Ben Folds
5. This is the One - The Stone Roses
6. Wild Horses - Rolling Stones
7. In Circles - Sunny Day Real Estate
8. Call on Me - Lou Reed
9. I'm on Fire - Bruce Springsteen
10. Mother - Pink Floyd
11. Don't Let it Bring you Down - Neil Young
12. Queen Bitch - David Bowie
13. Strangers - The Kinks
14. Faries Wear Boots - Black Sabbath
15. Your Time is Gonna Come - Led Zeppelin
16. The Plan - Built to Spill
17. Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum
18. Treehouse - Nada Surf
19. El Conder Pasa - Simon and Garfunkel
20. Baby Blue - Badfinger

Relics

2009-02-23T11:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes --

I think I might end up writing my own explanation for my own departure.

View from the back deck

2009-02-18T16:15:00.004-05:00

This was right before the first storm of the spring last year.

See most of the pieces?

Hidden and Found

2009-02-18T14:02:00.001-05:00

It seems as if they should have always been there.

Flickr and Nicknames

2009-02-18T13:42:00.004-05:00

Organization

Well, that would be my flickr, which I've had for a year but never really did anything with. It's mostly work you've seen before if you look at this blog, but also most of the stuff I've done with my father's pictures.

Mostly, it's for me to have images in one place that I can easily find and somewhat in an order I'd like those images to be seen . Originally, that's what this blog was for, but it's not quite as easy to navigate. Also, the flickr doesn't allow for me to ramble on and on, and there's less of a chance for me to put up bullshit. I do that quite often on here.

Blogspot gives me too much temptation to be a jackass.

Speaking of jackass, how about that user name? Keytar. Feels a bit silly, but that's what I am, and at the time, that was my favorite nickname. I haven't heard it in awhile, but it drums up really nice memories.

Other favorite nicknames:
Heathie
Heathar
Bird

Sectionals

2009-02-18T04:08:00.003-05:00

Backyard Perspectives

2009-02-18T04:03:00.000-05:00

Backyard Perspectives

2009-02-18T03:57:00.002-05:00

I took these last year. I was never a fan till today.

I've been trying to organize all my... work? All my work. It's taking forever.

Others

2009-02-17T23:02:00.003-05:00

Into Mood

2009-02-17T22:56:00.002-05:00

Here Troy. You asked to see more of these. I made this exact post in the MIOF blog, but I'm into that order and these pictures being together. And yes, moonlight was the lighting.

Everyone in the family always talks about this picture..

2009-02-16T23:59:00.003-05:00

... and for good reason.

Isn't that just classic?! Grandpa was a navel aviator in the South Pacific during WWII. He lied to the officers, saying he went to college because only college-educated men could fly. He told them he went to Covode Academy, which he did. Covode Academy is a one-room school house!

Yeah George!

Also, while in the South Pacific, George took a monkey as his pet. He would fly with the monkey, and it would go nuts during spins and dives. He unfortunately had to leave the monkey in the SP, but he always had a special place in his heart for monkies the rest of his life.

Family is about the most interesting thing in the world to me.

Young George and Family

2009-02-16T23:54:00.003-05:00

His Mom and Dad. Haha!

Grandpa and Grandma. Foxes!

George and Family

2009-02-16T23:45:00.002-05:00

Dramatics

2009-02-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

I took a whole series of pictures like this. I'm a fan.

The Future

2009-02-16T14:45:00.000-05:00

What do you think?

Peaceful pizza

2009-02-16T14:43:00.000-05:00

Of Interest

2009-02-13T21:49:00.003-05:00

I just did a specific meditation to find my power animal -- and I believe it is a crow.

These are the lessons the crow:

-Crow is the keeper of sacred law and knows the mystery. She teaches us that there are not one two or three worlds but many.
The laws of Sacredness
To balance our need for partnership with other areas of our life
To be at peace with our own company as well as within a group
Psychic protection
To value ourselves giving ourselves the best
The joy in exploration

And these are how you apply them:
How do you see the laws of sacredness in relation to the laws of humanity? Are they divided? Crow sees with one eye. Perhaps it is time for your to acknowledge the divine purpose of all things.
Your ancestors may be bringing a message to you of impending change. Be mindful at this stage of your life.
It may also be time for you to help others step out from the darkness of denial and into the light
With sharp vision crow is aware of all around her. Are you to well aware of all around you including the injustices? Do you struggle to find meaning in your life because of the awareness you have? Know that awareness is a gift. Perhaps you need to be supported by like-minded people who see what you see. Realise also that your vision is a great benefit to others. You have the ability to help others out of their own darkness as crow warns other animals of approaching danger.
In partnership crow teaches us not to discount our partners efforts or belittle their interests. Make an effort to verbally acknowledge and thank your partner for their efforts.
Crow may also warn of gossip. Spending time gossiping about others or worrying about the gossip of others is wasted energy.
Are you holding onto the past? Crow knows no time. She experiences past present and future simultaneously. Learn from your past and move on.
Do you wear many faces? Be careful of becoming manipulative and preying on those who are easily lead or gullible.

Whoa

Self Portrait

2009-02-11T15:13:00.005-05:00

Broken Bridge

2009-02-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

It was nice of them to drive me around.

Lopsided Halo

2009-02-11T14:59:00.000-05:00

A little to the right, my left.

How the fuck do I see myself?

On the way, 9 am Monday morning

2009-02-11T14:34:00.004-05:00

"STOP SAYING GRIEVING PROCESS"

2009-02-11T14:29:00.001-05:00

Good for Bryan though. One day he'll be like us.

2009-02-09T20:41:00.003-05:00

Since Friday, I wanted to take pictures of the 21 gun salute. I just read that that is what the "layman" refers to it as, but I didn't catch what it's actually called. My grandfather wanted a full military funeral. He got it. I wanted to take pictures of it the second I heard it was happening.

I didn't take those pictures. I didn't think it would be... like it was. It was... heartbreaking. It's really beautiful. These old guys, these veterns, they come, uniforms pressed, and they shoot the rifles. 21 shots total. It's loud. It's really loud. You have no idea how loud it is until it happens. This was the only point where smiling at Grandma didn't work. I couldn't, you know? You can't. You can't take pictures either. It's not something you can take a picture of unless... unless that's your job. Unless you don't know the vetern. I have a casing. I think that's what they called it. From one of the shots. All the grandchildren got one. I almost didn't get one, I'm guessing because I'm a woman. A girl. A granddaughter. But I spoke up, made sure I got one.

And... and it's really heartbreaking. There really is no other word. It's very loud. Almost louder than Grandma sobbing. That was it, man. That killed me. Not a dry eye in the house, not even me. "Stone faced" is what Bryan and Amanda called me. I had tears welled up though, but I'll be damned if Grandma sees me cry. So I cleaned up my act. For her. I'm her bird, you know. I keep her laughing, I keep her looking on the bright side. And people will tell you just to let it go, let yourself cry, but I'm not going to do that. Sometimes, you have be to calm for everyone else. I get that from my Dad, I think.

And... you see your family. All of them. I saw old pictures. Lots of them. And I saw pictures from the McNeil side of the family. Grandma McNeil, Aunt Lolly, Grandma Jerko. It was good picture. I could hear Grandma McNeil laughing. It sounds like my laugh. Her cackle is now my cackle.

And... it's not something you can take a picture of.

None of these things, I don't think.

But... I know... The grandkids as pallbearers... that's a powerful image. All of us. 5 boys, 1 girl. I believe I am the first girl to carry a casket in the history of St. Peter and Paul Byzantine Catholic Church and of Pifer's Funeral Home. They were hesistant. I persisted. I'll be damned if I'm left out of that.

And... it was beautiful. The veterns were shaking with old age as they folded the flag. I offered myself and my brother to fold it -- we're trained you know. But that was for them. I'm glad they did it. It could have been done better.

And... the casket. It was a nice baby blue. Strange, I know, but I swear it was tasteful. The flag was wrapped around it, and I didn't feel any resentment. You don't at these times. George wanted it that way, and I'll be damned if I disrespect that. The flowers, they put them in front of the casket at the cemetary in some marble building. It was cold. The flower-- red roses. Red white and blue ribbons -- they looked good. I swear it wasn't cheesy. I swear I can't think of something more fitting. It was a beautiful service.

And... the day before, my Uncle Bowser, my Dad, my brother, and my cousin Nick went down to the Eagles to drink in honor of George in between viewings. I was told I couldn't come. Dad didn't think it was right -- I'm a girl. I was pissed. They got hammered and Bryan, my brother, said he felt more a part of the family than he ever has...

... He was also spilling his guts to everything. Got really emotional. Told his life story.

Boy can't hold his liquor.

Uncle Bowser said to me "I knew we should have taken you -- you know how to keep your mouth shut."

Felt good.

Dinner for Breakfast with George Jerko

2009-02-06T18:40:00.002-05:00

Goin' up to the Spirit in the Sky

2009-02-06T10:21:00.003-05:00

See you later, Grandpa.

2009-02-05T02:00:00.001-05:00

I think...

I have a book.

Yeah,

I do.